


Anxiety

by Kazters



Category: The Newsroom (US TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-12
Updated: 2013-09-12
Packaged: 2017-12-26 09:14:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/964219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kazters/pseuds/Kazters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Will Mcavoy has had Anxiety attacks since childhood. He has one during the election broadcast. Can Mackenzie get past her own issues with Will to help him get through this and back on screen?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anxiety

Will could feel his mouth becoming dry, his heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest any moment. His throat felt constricted and he was having trouble getting the words out. His fingers were trembling and he felt pounding in his ears. Mackenzie noticed the change in him instantly. She knew what was coming. She noticed that he stopped talking and was leaving it up to Elliot, Sloan and Taylor to do the talking. She knew Will was the strongest man she knew, but she also knew that when it all got to much for him or he was really scared this could happen. Was it Genoa? Was it because he fired her? Was he scared for his job? Was he worried about making a mistake on air again? She didn't know.

"Will relax, 30 seconds until the next break" said Mackenzie in his ear as softly as she could. Will made no indication that he had heard her.

"Join us after these messages for more on the election" said Will as soon as he was told he was out he ripped his earpiece out and practically ran out of the room leaving confused looks from Elliot and Sloan.

Mackenzie watched him go, he couldn't care less right now about the broadcast. She knew if she took his pulse his heart would be racing.

"How long till back?" Mac asked the control room.

"5 min back Mac" said Herb. Mackenzie took her headset off gave Don a significant look and left the control room and went into the studio.

"If Will isn't back by end of the break Elliott move into Will's seat. Don't draw any attention to him not being back either" said Mac and she left the room leaving confused looks behind her.

She went to her office and grabbed her coat and went to Will's office and did the same. She was able to walk through the newsroom without anyone taking much notice they were all to busy with the election to care. Instead of the lift she took the stairs to the roof. She stood at the door collecting her self. She needed to put her own issues aside right now she was hurting and she was bearly holding her own shit together but Will needed her and she owed him that much to make sure he was ok.

She pushed open the door to the roof and instantly shivered and put her coat on. She looked around and found Will sat on the ground against the wall trying to catch his breath. His head in his hands he was broken he looked so small she had to resist the urge to pull him into her arms he wasn't even close to being able to let that happen.

"Hey" she said softly walking towards Will. He looked up at her his eyes red.

"I'm fine Mac, just needed some air" he said shakily trying to rub his forhead but his hands were shaking so much.

"Bullshit Will" said Mackenzie walking towards him .

Will tried to stand up but he was dizzy and lightheaded and his legs wouldn't do what he wanted them to so he slid down the wall. He made some noises as this happened more out of frustration than anything else.

"here" she said handing him his coat and helping him put it on it was to cold to be up here without it.

Mackenzie crouched down in front of him as best she could in heels and a skirt and reached out for his wrist. Will tried to pull away and Mackenzie felt a pang of guilt he didn't even want her touching him. She watched his chest and found his pulse. "148 Will, to high, you need to relax" said Mac. Will let out a hollow laugh.

"Concentrate on your breathing"

"I know Mac" said Will angrily

"When was the last one?" she asked Will didn't answer

"Will" she said again more forcefully

"After you left" he replied his voice shaking

"Have you taken anything to help?"

"No, don't like the way they make me feel so i don't take anything now" said Will. He wasn't stupid he knew what she was doing she had experience of panic or anxiety attacks she had suffered from them herself, and she had helped Will face a few and he knew she had taught Jim how to deal with them. She was trying to focus his brain away from what was making him anxious to what she was saying.

Will had been having anxiety attacks since he was a child, usually brought on by extreme stress or emotional trauma. He used to get them when he was scared about his father. Will was scared right now scared for his job, his team for Charlie and for Mackenzie and the prospect of losing her again from his life. Mackenzie took off her shoes and sat on the ground in front of Will and looked him in the eye.

"How are you doing?"

"F-F-Fine" he managed to get out and ran a shaking hand through his hair.

"Will it's all going to be ok you know that. This team would run through fire for you. They were all prepared to quit for you" said Mackenzie.

"Mackenzie what planet are you living on? It's not even close to being ok" his voice rising louder than Mackenzie was expecting.

"Easy Will, just breath" Said Mackenzie placing her hand on his arm and taking his pulse again, she noticed this time that he didn't flinch at her touch. 128 was getting slower.

"So why isn't it?" she asked

"Mackenzie don't act thick, it doesn't suit you" said Will

"Will you have been telling me for days that everything is going to be ok"

"I know Mac but Fuck i don't know if that's true, I don't know what's going on or what's going to happen? Innocent people are being caught up in our mess. And I'm stuck not being able to do anything about it, i can't help anyone and everyone is miserable" Said Will breathing hard

"Will look at me, C'mon look at me" said Mac. Will kept his head down trying to catch his breath. Mackenzie reached and pulled his face up to hers. He avoided her eyes but she could see a tear escaping his eye.

"Breath in through your mouth and breath out" she said softly

"Will you need to relax of your heart is going to burst"

She watched him struggle he then took her hand and started breathing as she had asked him to. He looked into her eyes and she just saw how miserable he was the walls had come down he was vulnerable.

"I know you made yourself the director of moral Will, and i know why, but as much as it pains me to say this not even you can fix everything. My god i wish you could everything is broken and fucked up and it's all my fault but you can't blame yourself Will." Mac kept his eye contact tears threatening to come out of her own eyes.

"By firing me you did the right thing. It shows Jerry fucking Dantana and his lawyers that he wasn't the only person fired and it blows a hole in his lawsuit." Mac was struggling to keep her own feelings out of it, she wanted Will to fire her, she wanted to be punished Genoa was her fault she had ruined his personal and professional life and this time she couldn't run to a warzone. She tried to keep emotion out of her voice she was just holding herself together and no more but she needed to get Will in a state to get back on tv and finish the broadcast. He couldn't fall apart in the middle of the broadcast or the night before a huge lawsuit was filed.

"Fuck Mac i didn't want to fire you, i don't want to not have you here next to me" spat Will

"You have to Will, its the only thing to do"

"Mac you forced my hand"

"I helped you do what was needed" said Mac sadly

"You really think i think my image is more important?"

"Will I know how you feel about your audience and.." Will cut her off

"Thats different and you know it Mac. I loved you from the first moment i saw you. I could see my whole life in front of me with you in my ear and in my bed. All i wanted to do was love you and show you that you deserved to be loved and you threw it back in my face" Will finished tears leaking out of his eyes. Mackenzie felt like he had stabbed her, they didn't talk about stuff like this. She had tears coming out of her own eyes. She wiped his tears away with her thumb.

"I was late in realising how much i loved you. I was so scared of what i was feeling and i didn't know how to tell you without making you think i was rejecting you. You treated me like a princess, you were so kind to me and so loving and i didn't think i deserved it and i still don't. Brian had left me in such a shit state" said Mac more tears coming.

"Mac regardless of what happened you deserve to be loved" Will squeezed her hand as he said this. Mackenzie shook her head and told him to 'breath" as she checked his pulse again it was down to 100.

"Why did you cheat?" he asked in a whisper

Mackenzie didn't answer straight away.

"I don't know what happened. He called and i didn't think it would do any harm to go for a drink. I wanted him to see how much better a person i had become with you and not the mess he left me in. We went for a drink and ended up at his apartment when he said he had stuff belonging to me and.." Mackenzie couldnt finish the sentence.

"One thing lead to another" said Will sadly

"Yeah" Mackenzie breathed she felt physically sick at the thought of it. She could still feel how bad she felt. She cried in Brain's bathroom after.

"But you did it for 4 months Mac"

"It wasn't like that Will"

"You didn't sleep with him for 4 months?" Will asked

"Yes, no I felt dirty. Brian treated me the way i felt i deserved to be treated. He really isn't a nice guy Will he isn't gentle or kind. It wasn't all the time and each time it happened i said it was the last, it was killing me but it was stopping me from the inevitable" said Mac

"Telling me" Will asked

"I knew as soon as i told you it would be over" said Mac

"I knew something was wrong with. You had stopped eating and sleeping, you were constantly on edge much like you are now and you were pushing me away. Then you told me and the world changed, I changed and it wasn't for the better"

"I'm so sorry I couldn't tell you how i was feeling" Mackenzie sobbed

"Im sorry you told me"

"I know" said Mac taking his pulse again it was down to 82.

"I know you don't love me anymore Will but"

"Who said i don't love you" Will interrupted

"You"

"No i didn't"

"Your actions since I came back"

"Mac I was and Am still angry, it doesn't mean I don't love you. I love you so much it physically hurts Mackenzie do you understand it hurts; the prospect of not seeing you every day because I have fired you hurts Mac. I did it to help you not because I didn't love you. I couldn't see you in as much pain as you have been in the past few days."

Mackenzie 's mouth was hanging open

"You could catch fly's in that Mac" said Will a small smile appearing on his lips

"But"

"Fuck Mac, just because I'm having a hard time forgiving you doesn't mean i don't bloody love you" said Will

Mackenzie smiled at Will, her full megawatt smile and Will felt himself relax for the first time since this started.

"And Genoa?" she asked

"Fuck Jerry Dantana. You are un-fired, he isn't breaking this team up. If he wants our jobs he better take more than a couple of guys" Will said standing up. He felt a little woozy but he was feeling better he wasn't so anxious.

Will pulled Mackenzie up "You ok?" she asked. "Im fine Mac, i think im about to be better than ive been in a long time" said Will.

Will pulled Mackenzie to him Mackenzie enjoyed the sensation of him touching her the smell of his suit. "Thank you Mackenzie" Will whispered into her hair. Will hadn't been this close to Mackenzie in months, she thought really hard and came up with the rudy enactment.

"What for, you have nothing to thank me for" said Mac into his chest.

"Being you Mackenzie you are always here when I need you and even when I don't think i do" said Will. "You need to stop punishing yourself Mac for us, for Genoa for the team" Will continued.

Will pulled away and pulled her chin to look up at his face.

"Dont give up on me or us" he said and he placed a kiss on her lips, his hand moving to her cheek. This kiss told Mackenzie what Will had been saying was true. He did love her he was just not ready to go any further than they were.

"C'mon we have a show to finish and a lawsuit to win" said Will with a twinkle in his eye walking towards toe door leaving Mackenzie to run after him with a smile on her face feeling happier than she had in months.

The End


End file.
